Neil Wright MacNichol

Dear Neil,

You are the worst Skype dater ever. If I had a dollar for ever time you virtually stood me up I'd have more money than I could spend in a life time! Shame on you! We FINALLY Skyped the night before your last flight and you were eating carrots and hummus in your camper with Megan. You looked so happy. You looked so handsome and I was unbelievably excited to see you. I had a million things to tell you and to ask you and to joke with you about, oh my word I just couldn't wait to get my arms around you again! ...and then you did the meanest thing you ever could have done, meaner than making me wait hours on Skype or attacking me with squirt guns in bed.  Meaner than purposely spooking my horse on Williams Creek Trail or waiting under my bed to grab my ankles at night; you went and died on me. Just like that. But wait, how can that be? Spud, I wasn't done with you yet...

In the past 4 days I have been overwhelmed by the response of your passing. Facebook has literally become a Neil shrine as everyone shares their stories of you and I am getting friend requests from people I don't even know, but they know you, and they want to tell me how amazing my brother was. Luckily I already know. You were one of the best people in my life and maybe in the whole world, BUT before you pump extensively up your ego, you were also a cocky little shit sometimes with swiss cheese for brains! :P

Exhibit A: You had the worst high school parties which kept me up all night before work and made me so mad I thought I'd strangle you with your overly bro-ish sunglass croakies. Exhibit B: You used to forget your lunch almost every day and make me bring it into the school office and never gave me ANY gas money! 
Exhibit C: You would put your nasty feet on my pillow when we were camping and pick the dirt out from under your toenails!!! Gag! Yuck!


Anyway, now here I am an only child and you know what, it is lame, like really lame...lamer than a flat tire on the side of highway 55 with no car jack, lamer than shoveling out cars in a snowstorm on Rogers Lane and especially lamer than Uncle Carter's bolos. I find myself thinking crazy things, selfish things, happy things and angry things all at once. I wonder what your children would have looked like. I wonder who will give me away at my wedding someday. I wonder if you remember how we danced like raving lunatics together at Ross and Sara's wedding last summer and I wonder in particular who gave you permission to leave me so soon. You dirty rat you.

I also find myself once again reminded to love the people God has given us because he will need them back someday. I may not agree with his decision to take away someone so dear to me, but of course I cannot blame him for wanting such a wonderful soul again in his company. Everyone wants a piece of the Spud-Man. So there you shall stay. 

May you have no more fears (although you had few), may you have no more pain (except the  blisters from your climbing shoes) and may you be able to feel all the love the world has for you (because it could fill a thousand rivers).
 
When Mom brought your things back from the wreckage I sat with them a long time. I touched every single one of them. I layed on your backpack that smelled like oil until it soaked into my dress. I unpacked all your clothes right there in the driveway and cried a seemingly endless stream of tears and snot all over them. I even smelled your dirty socks (seriously dude, its called a washer!). I looked through the photos of your crash and although they fascinate and perplex me, they don't make me sad for I know you are not there; you are everywhere else. You are in every one's hearts. You are. 

Did you know we were reading the same book? We were. I found it crunched in the pocket of your flight bag. You were 3 pages ahead of me. Don't worry, I'll finish it and try not to spoil the ending for you ;) Speaking of things in your plane, why didn't you tell me you were paragliding?! Nice parachute....

I miss you Spud. Actually, to say I miss you is a pathetically colossal understatement. I can't imagine my life without your presence. But for lack of a better word, I miss you and will continue to do so until my own heart stops. I miss your ridiculous hair. I miss your aversion to deodorant and having the biggest "little" brother ever. I miss our plans together, and your honestly, and you outrageously dirty truck, and sharing memories of Dad with you. I miss your infectious laugh, toothy smile and explosive life force which invaded anyone nearby weather they liked it or not. I miss hearing the term "crispy beat". I miss your bone crushing hugs.

But as you would say, there are always silver linings.... I will NOT miss hiding all my apricot Cliff Bars from you. Thief! Nor will I miss practically putting REI in business through online birthday and Christmas gift cards year after year! It also gives me great comfort to know the long time secret of the crushed potato chips in living room carpet will die with you and that I no longer have to free my ass off spring camping because I'm keeping your fancy over priced backpacking tent and sleeping bag...which smells like you...so there! ;)

I guess what I'm really trying to say is Thank You Neil. Thank you for agonizing me as kids and supporting me as adults. Thank you for holding me accountable and making me want to be a good example. Thank you for making me an overly proud braggy sister to anyone who would listed. Thank for enriching me and taking me with you on your life long adventure. Thank you for being my baby brother. I couldn't have asked for a better one and that's the truth.

Say hi to Dad and Grams for me.
Love you every day until the end of time.

xoxo

Sissy

P.S. Just so you know, I would bring you lunch every day and wait on Skype every night forever and give all my apricot Cliff Bars to have you back, just in case you change your mind. ;) Keep your chin up little bro.